An open letter to the gentleman driving the Nissan Rogue on FM 1431

Dear Dude With Lack Of Cajones,

First, let me start off by saying that I can appreciate the fact the FM1431 can be a very intimidating road to travel. It is very hilly and curvy. There is indeed not a lot of room for error without the potential for sudden horrible death.Driving FM 1431 scared the crap out of me when I first moved out of town. Literally, I could not crap for an entire week.

I understand completely. To loosely quote Bullet Tooth Tony:  “Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you’ve got “Rogue” written on the back of your vehicle should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence.”

No, not everyone was born with big balls. It is nothing to be ashamed of, you obviously have a woman that likes you enough to ride in the same car. That is a start. It would be an incredibly uninteresting world if everyone were super heros.

Please know that my suggestions come without malice and are given in the spirit of helpfulness and the interest of public safety .

It is perfectly ok to drive 20 miles per hour below the posted speed limit. But, as there is a time and a place for everything, the place for inconsiderate drivers that pose potentially as traffic hazards is an area commonly known under Texas Driving Laws as The Lane That Is Not The Passing Lane. I truly believe that you could have driven in the non-passing lane, immediately following the guy that was driving 36 miles per hour in a 55 zone, without any difficulties at all. And, it would have been the polite thing to do. Texas is, after all, the Drive Friendly state. And it was intended completely in a positive and helpful manner that I extended the one-finger salute to you.

You must understand, the practice I refer to as Cock-Blocking is not only rude, but it is very impolite and unnecessary.

I know that not everyone is born with leadership skills and are able to perform in the role of Alpha Dog. I am also quite aware that as a woman Subaru driver, you might honestly mistake me for a stereotype in which I do not fit.  Just be aware that I am in dire need to get home and jump into a lake. I just ask that next time, please understand your limitations and drive in the friggin right lane.

Hugs and kisses, DorkChick